Wednesday, September 17, 2014

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[How to] pass a drug test when you smoke marijuana

[How to] pass a drug test when you smoke marijuana

 

 

Unfortunately, once in a while, we encounter the dreaded drug test.  Whether it may be for a new job and they are demanding one of those invasive “pre-employment drug screens” or your current supervisor suspects you’re sneaking doobies behind the freezie-pops and asks you to submit to a surprise panel test, you will want to have your situation on lock down.  For that reason, you will want to know a few things, here is what we’ll be talking about: 

    • What other people have tried and failed (or marginally worked).
    • The legality issues and possible consequences surrounding the various methods of cheating on a drug screen.
    • What we recommend for those serious stoners who want to remain stoned for life. 

 

 

Section 1: What other stoners have tried when the man lays down the law!

 

 

First up is the traditional 30 day abstinence.  It sucks, but, rarely are cases where someone, even a daily stoner, who gives up smoking for 30 days fails a test.  Usually, if you will make the commitment, you’ll pass the test. If it’s a planned situation, this is a good bet.  But do we really want to be betting?  Not really.  So this is at the bottom of the list.  It’s not uncommon for urgency to be a factor.

Next up is the defrost method.  When stoners are backed into a corner, they are known to lash out aggressively.  Let me give you an example. My buddy needed to pass a surprise drug test issued by his car dealership.  They sent him to a third party health clinic to get the test done.  He attained some clean urine from a friend of his and off he went. He put the pee in a zip lock baggie, and set it up on his dash, and turned the defrosters on. This kept it hot in temperature; then his body temperature did the rest in his pocket while he was in the waiting room.  This is rushed, and hardly reliable.  Especially on short notice.  Besides trumping the thirty day plan this zip lock baggie plan kind of sucks.

Some potheads evolved and decided to start filling condoms and balloons with urine samples from friends.  Still seems super sketchy and potentially ex-pliss-ious.   (Like explosive but the word piss stuffed in the middle). Defrosters still required (LOL).

So…then a scam emerged called “Sure Gel” …you’re basically supposed to empty it into a Gatorade and drink the hell out of it an hour before the test. After withholding the immense urge to urinate for the entire hour, you will unload a sample of completely dirty urine and fail your drug test.  Just like the other people reporting all over the internet. 

Now some real rocket scientists decided, maybe if you just diet on water straight for an entire week, you’ll pass the marijuana panel.  Not only is this still a major gamble, but it is also terrible for your health. Your body was meant to demand nutrients far more than which can be attained in just water.  Some idiots also decide to sweat and work out a bunch in that period…further damaging the health and body…all to maybe not pass still.

Alright, so if we don’t want to not smoke for 30 days, we don’t want to destroy our body on a water diet, and we don’t want to carry around rubbers full of pee in our pockets, what can beat the almighty drug test?

Some maryjane lovers reported QCarbo32 (purchasable online or at GNC stores) will work.  But it fails miserably in most cases…and it seems like a dangerous plan when trying to flush your body. Flushing your body with chemicals or things you have no idea about, is always bad. And we all know water isn’t strong enough.  Everyone always things “oh if I just drink a lot of cranberry juice or water, it’ll flush the thc and weed out of my blood stream and body and I’ll pass.”  Very rarely does a flush work. Especially with daily tokers.

The xhealthreport site recommended a special system, you pay them and get a system on how to pass. The system is expensive, over a hundred dollars, and you will still likely have problems.  Things like hair shampoos that cleanse your hair follicles and allow a window of opportunity for you to submit a urine sample have been reported to work.  It depends on the provider, the brand, the cleanser.  The details matter when you’re trying to pick a product that works.

Some sites will claim to give consultations and have you call and start talking to them about the situation…this type of transaction results in you paying more, and sometimes still failing the test.  Usually in fact, most reports I have read, are people’s tests failing because they took the advice of someone else who didn’t know what they were talking about. Sometimes, that “someone else” is a company pushing some expensive products that wind up not working.

Some people try drinking lots of niacin before the test, but the tests will reveal abnormal levels of creatine, which will result in a diluted sample and failure.  Niacin can work but has to be done far in advance, which is kind of defeating a lot of the purpose of being prepared nearly on the spot.  Plus, it doesn’t always work.

Some sites offer money back guarantees on their products, but after they do not help you pass the test, they will refuse to issue a refund for one reason or another. Now you have failed the test and you spent tons of money on a program, some special advice, some stupid consultation, some extra free hair brush that they included in the gift basket they sent you. You know, the basket with the little tag on it that says “To: Dumb consumer who didn’t do their research first.”

 

 

So what really does work?  Let’s talk about it.  BUT FIRST…let’s get the legal stuff out of the way!

Section 2: The legalities and potential consequences of any cheating actions.*

 

 

Q: If you get caught trying to cheat on a drug test, what happens? 

A: If it is job related, you do not get the job.  If it is court related, it is a felony.  Some states may consider it a crime to cheat on drug tests administered by any official (employer, court, probation officer, etc), however, it is extremely rare to see prosecution unless it is a court ordered drug test.  On most job drug test consent forms there is a check box stating roughly to the equivalent of “I understand that with positive, adulterated, or otherwise substituted results, will result in withdrawal of the job offer and you will not be able to reapply for a period of six months (or a year)…etc.”  The bottom line here is, they will just give the job to someone else.  If you already cannot pass the test, substitution kits seem like very good ideas. Generally, drug tests are confidential things, unless again the government is asking for the results and it is court ordered or otherwise legally mandated.

Q: Is it considered fraud to accept urine from someone else?

A: Anyone who supplies you urine can be, in a twisted fashion of justice, be considered an accomplice to fraud, perhaps, although highly unlikely.   Using someone else’s urine is not hygienic.  Synthetic urine is clean and the kits generally come with ways to keep it warm so you don’t have to feel someone else’s human urine squishing between your skin and clothes. 

Q: How do you use the synthetic urine kits?

A: The fake urine kits are easy to use, they often strap to a genital area, and are equip to release near your member with ease.  Generally they come with a thermometer so you can tell the temperature and ensure you are within the correct range. Some will have a small indicator which changes color as it is warm enough against your leg.

Just a “footnote”: Some people decide to take drug tests routinely, or if they are in trouble, perhaps a few times before court, to try and indicate they are clean. But you cannot pick and choose which results to send the court (which months, as in the clean months – so make sure everything is done right so you pass every test, and this could help in some situations).  Also, if you have a commercial driver’s license, anywhere in the United States, if you fail a drug test you can be prosecuted!

Section 3: So what is the IRON CLAD WAY to pass this drug test and NOT GET CAUGHT?

 

 

Professional tokers, professional athletes, medical professionals and professional professionals tend to trust a certain type of strategy and product than the rest. And they do it right too!

Step one: Purchase a drug panel test kit. That’s right. The kit that you pick wont’ matter too much if you’re only trying to beat the THC Marijuana panel…it will test you positive or negative for sure.  The kits usually come with multiple tests. Since this article only covers THC, the single panel THC drug test kit is what you want to buy.

Step two: Purchase a synthetic urine kit.  Yes, these work.  People have loads of success with synthetic urine kits.  The urine is not tested to be real, these are not included in the tests.  The urine is tested for THC content, and your synthetic urine will pass. But don’t worry, you’re going to make sure of it!

Step three: Test your solution. That’s right, you purchased enough to pass two drug tests.  The one you’re going to do ahead of time with a drug panel test kit you bought yourself, and the one you’re going to do for real in the actual scenario.  This way, after your solution arrives in the mail, you can sleep easy knowing it will actually work.  You will want to urinate once and fail the test to see the failure. Then you’ll want to use your fake urine kit to urinate on the test to see the pass. So, if you are here wondering “How can I pass my drug test?” The answer: do it the right way.

More stuff about synthetic urine kits

 

 

Synthetic urine looks and feels real, not that you would want to stick your hand in it.  The point is, you won’t want to, because it looks like real urine!  Synthetic urine is also made up of nearly the same chemical composition as actual human urine.  It has the proper color, the proper texture, the proper pH (incase they do test), and all regular elements you would expect to find in real urine.  To cover some of the most common, included are usually: calcium chloride, creatine, magnesium sulfate, sodium chloride, urea and more.

Usually synthetic urine kits of any decent quality (like the monkey flask for instance, which is likely the best on the market right now), support around 4 ounces of urine sample (around 150 ml). Most kits come with heat packs or will strap to your leg or body so that your body temperature will keep it warm.  The most important aspects are the color and the temperature, followed by the pH. All of which will be taken care of.

The kits are all usually pretty self-explanatory and definitely the best bet.  This is the sure way to beat the drug test when you’re a pot smoker.  It is good to have one ready in your glove box at all times. You never know when you might have to pass a drug test.

Disclaimer: In addition to our usual disclaimers within our terms and conditions page found at the bottom of every page of this website…we cannot condone any of the highly tactful, skillful, manipulating, deceitful actions mentioned in this article. Seriously, we just can’t. ;)

*Extra extra disclaimer: we are not lawyers and cannot give legal advice.

 

[New Drug] 100% LEGAL, & safe alternative to SPICE?

Is there a New, 100% Legal and SAFE alternative to Spice out there?

 

Is there any legal alternative to herbal incense out there that’s safe to smoke and won’t show up on a drug test? You bet! Since all of these head shops selling herbal incense have been getting busted left and right around the United States…a new drug is emerging in it’s place.  It’s legal in most areas (minus a couple states and a few countries worldwide) and it doesn’t show up on nearly all drug tests. It’s affordable, can be bought over the counter at the head shop or online in stores around the internet.

The drug is called “Chillinex.”  Chillinex is a genius hybrid of a few different organic extracts of plants which are commonly used in religious and cultural ceremonies around the world (particularly in tropical regions where the plants are indigenous).  The drug is basically like a legal Percocet. It seems that the way it works, after you take a few pills, the formula breaks down and safely interacts with human opioid receptors.  It provides the entire body a numbing effect, relaxes most muscular pains and then leaves the user feeling socially excitable.  Some people are using it to increase sex drive and allow them to last a lot longer in bed.  Similar uses include the group of muscle-heads using the product as a work-out-extender…as it reportedly gives you a lot more energy to get through the final reps. 

The best part, you can actually buy this drug online, with a credit card, discreetly having it show up to your doorstep. Think about it, over the counter pain pills you can order on the internet...from anywhere in the world.

Certainly I would call Chillinex effective and it totally lives up to its name.  I highly recommend Chillinex to anyone considering an alternative to SPICE or HERBAL POTPOURRI.  That stuff will kill you…and this is something natural and easy to get online. 

Here are some of the benefits from using Chillinex, as opposed to spice:

  • Your teeth will not yellow – as you do not smoke Chillinex, you eat it. Spice users commonly get yellow teeth from the constant need to smoke (as you may be aware, smoking spice causes an unimaginable addiction which causes the user to even wake up merely to smoke to be able to go back to sleep, in the middle of the night).
  • You will be able to sleep. Chillinex will help you sleep if that is your objective and give you relaxed body-tingling highs you cannot get elsewhere, without a prescription.  You will not have to wake up at night just to smoke your herbal incense.  You will not be up for days without sleep because the spice is like the crack!  Chillinex is not addictive.
  • People will like you more at parties and other social events. Your family won’t hate you when you take Chillinex. But when you do spice, usually, everyone who does NOT ALSO do spice, hates you, hates to be around you and hates your spice habit. 
  • Chillinex is discreet. No one can tell you’re doing it, unlike spice, which stinks up your clothes and makes your breath smell. You won’t be COUGHING everywhere you go because you constantly smoke spice.
  • One dose lasts hours. Instead of your spice high which lasts 5, 10 or 15 minutes.
  • You won’t have to PUKE everyday until you smoke your spice. This drug, will not require you eating it within any time at all, to avoid vomiting.  Users on spice usually vomit to the point where they are only vomiting green or yellow stomach acid (bile). It’s disgusting and painful and it feels like you are dying.
  • You will be healthy. Millions of people worldwide do the drugs that go into making Chillinex everyday as regular pain killers or muscle relaxers, without any health complications.

Chillinex will provide numbing, pain killing, muscle relaxing, social stimulating, energizing effects that you want, without the negative effects users frequent with herbal incense.

STOP SMOKING SPICE! AND START CHILLINEX – ORGANIC ALTERNATIVES ARE SAFER!

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